My Dad, My Coach
During my career as a high school coach, I was fortunate to work under and learn from Coach Nick Chaykowsky. While I learned all about shuffle cuts and the intricacies of the zone press, probably the greatest lessons I learned from Nick were how to be a great father and how to balance being a coach with being a dad. Nick’s son, Zack also happened to double as our starting point guard. I got to witness first hand how difficult it can be to adjust being a dad with being a coach. With that thought in mind, I sought out other coaches who are in the same situation and wondered how they balance being a dad with being their son’s coach.
I found Coach Geoff Cody of Western Hills High School in Frankfort. Coach Cody’s son, Peyton, is about to start his Junior season as a Wolverine. I was also directed to Coach Steve Kirkpatrick of Monroe County. His son Tucker is starting his sophomore season of playing for his dad. And finally, I have had a relationship with Coach Roderick Thomas and his son Rodriguez since Rodriguez was an 8th grader playing AAU for the program I was a part of. Each of these men have been lucky enough to coach their sons in high school but have sometimes had to strike a balance between dad and coach. These are their stories.
Finding that Coach/Dad balance
Coach Kirkpatrick discovered very early in Tucker’s freshman season that sometimes trying to avoid favoritism just makes you look worse. “At a pre-season practice last year, we had several players not attacking the paint during a drill. Tucker was one of them. I singled him out and sat him out of the drill. Thinking I would prove a point that I wouldn’t show him any favoritism. The affect was the opposite. After practice I had one of my assistant coaches and a couple of older players tell me that wasn’t fair to Tucker. If I was going to punish one for not doing the drill correctly, I should have disciplined the others as well. It was a good learning point for me.” Coach Cody is in a unique situation. Peyton transferred from Lexington Christian after his freshman year so that he could play for his dad. Part of the deal with Peyton coming to Western Hills was that Peyton had to be prepared for the criticisms that his dad may take, “He said he wanted to be a part of what I was doing at Western Hills. Basically I was giving him every scenario possible to make sure ‘is this what you really want?'” Coach Thomas admits he is probably harder on his own son than on the rest of his players, “but he knows and accepts those challenges and I’m grateful for his receptive attitude and his drive to be great.”
Coach Cody and Peyton share a long ride home from Frankfort to Lexington after every practice and every game. It made for an awkward ride home when Peyton was Geoff’s first player to ever be ejected from a game. “I didn’t say a word the whole way back home, but as soon as we got home, his mom wanted to know why he would do something as foolish as he did.” Coach Kirkpatrick finds himself trying to keep basketball in the gym, but it sometimes follows he and Tucker home, “We often watch film at home. I try to keep a positive attitude when we talk about situations that happen during a game and see what improvements we can make on those situations.”
Holding family accountable
Coach Cody said he definitely holds his son to higher standards than the rest of his players, but only because he holds Peyton to the highest standards outside of basketball too. “He’s a good student, he makes “A’s”, and he knows that is the most important.” Meanwhile Coach Kirkpatrick expects his son and all of his players to meet his lofty expectations for them. “We discuss player expectations at the beginning of the season. We want our players to understand that they are always going to be looked up to around our school and community. We as players and coaches are going to be looked up to and we want to represent our school and community to the very best.” Coach Thomas also holds Rodriguez to very lofty standards. In addition to being his dad’s starting point guard, Rodriguez also plays drums for Roderick when they play music at church. Rodriguez appreciates his dad’s support and also when his dad is harder on him, “He doesn’t show any favoritism and I’m pushed, sometimes even harder than everyone else. We do a very good job at balancing our relationship on and off the court. Stuff that happens, we try to leave it at practice then he’s back to dad.
All 3 dads admit to hearing the occasional criticism from the stands. Coach Cody actually was told by his principal that another parent told him he should play his son more. Coach Cody even second guessed himself the first time Peyton was needed in game action. “Our first varsity game last season, we were playing at Owen Co and the assistant coaches tell me, “let’s get a sub in there” and then they follow that up with “put Peyton in”, and I think right there on the sideline, “you want the 1st sub of the season to be the new kid, but not only the new kid, but it just happens to be the coaches son?” It turned out well, as Peyton hit a three right after entering the game. Coach Kirkpatrick would rather all criticisms be directed at him, rather than his players, ” I do hear some comments from the fans but the speed of the game is so fast that your mind has to keep moving on to the next play/situation.”
One thing I found interesting and refreshing was that all three coaches are happy to play the role of dad when anyone else is coaching their son. I have seen Roderick Thomas sit back and relax as Rodriguez played in some of the highest level AAU games of his career so far. Coach Cody also prefers the hands off approach, “For me, going and watching him play when he played in the kids league at KBA or when he was playing middle school at Lex Christian and freshmen & JV at Lexington Christian, it was an opportunity to go sit in the stands with the other parents and just be a parent watching his son play basketball.” Coach Kirkaptrick echoes the same sentiment, ” I always took a hands off approach during games. At games I would set back and enjoy watching him and his teammates compete. After the games I would wait and see if he had any questions or concerns and try and help him out with them.”
In my own experiences being around Zack and Nick Chaykowsky and after talking with Steve and Tucker Kirkpatrick, Geoff and Peyton Cody and Roderick and Rodriguez Thomas, one thing has become very obvious. For these coaches, the privilege of coaching their sons has been a treat and an honor. The pride the coaches have in their sons both on and off the court shines through when they talk about their boys as players and as young men. All four of these coaches will eventually hang up their whistles and give up the title of basketball coach. But they will always have the honor and privilege of being called Dad.